What is a friend?

I think about this off and on, as various relationships evolve and develop. I'm sure the answer is different for each person, but there have to be some shared elements as well. For me it's 4 main things:

I can trust them. I don't have to wonder if they're lying to my face or talking about me behind my back.

They stick up for me. No one is going to believe eveything that you believe, but a friend doesn't mock the things that are important to you or denigrate what you care about, especially in front of other people.

They support me. No one is going to be there for you all the time, but when things are rough for you or you're feeling down, they have a kind word or even a helping hand.

They show up. This may be more important to me than to other people, but I feel strongly about people doing what they say they're going to do. I certainly have friends who are not very reliable, but they are not people I would consider close friends. I really need to know I can count on a friend to follow through and not leave me hanging. (I guess I just experienced too damn much of that growing up, I can't deal with it as an adult.)

That's about it. It's certainly not about being smart or being worldly or loving politics or having a fancy job. I value kindness and consistency a lot more than other qualities or characteristics.

500 Days of Summer

Weird that I waited so long to see this movie, considering that I'm Joseph Gordon Levitt's #1 Fan. I liked it, but I can see why it wasn't a big hit. I suspect it's a movie you can watch more than once and get more out of it each time. I loved the final scene, I thought that was great fun. And I liked his friends, I thought they added a lot to the movie. I was puzzled why they didn't explain more about a) why Summer was so upset by The Graduate and b) why she got married so quickly to that other guy. I was a little confused by both those things, but it didn't ruin the movie for me. The movie was worth seeing for good writing and a great performance by JGL. He may not get nominated this year, but he will get an Oscar at some point - it's inevitable.

Rethinking the Oscar race

Now I'm motivated. I read somewhere that Kathryn Bigelow would be the first woman to win a Best Director Oscar (only 3 women have ever been nominated). That's something I can get behind. And it's for a very non-typical movie for a woman. And her chances are not completely remote - the movie is making a lot of Top 10 lists and clearly she's a legitimate contender in the contest, especially now that The Hurt Locker got the Producers Guild award. Her competition is mostly her ex-husband, James Cameron (how weird and coincidental and awkward) and Quentin Tarantino for Inglorious Basterds. A lot can happen before March (the winners are announced on March 7), in terms of perceptions and positioning, but now at least I have someone to root for!

Favorite books

A friend on FB posed a great question - what was the first "grown-up" book that you read. I'm not sure how I would answer that. I remember reading lots of animal books and I still think about them often, especially now that Cal is reading books on his own.

As a kid, I was obsessed with The Black Stallion and the whole series of horse books by Walter Farley and Lad, a Dog and the whole series of dog books by Albert Payson Terhune. I don't know if those really count as grown-up books, but I must have read dozens of them.

I also remember reading Call of the Wild and other books by Jack London - I just loved those adventure stories. I would imagine myself in one while I walked home from school or tooled around "the woods" near our house on the weekends.

I don't remember reading the more typical girl-oriented authors like Jane Austen or the Bronte sisters until I got assigned them in school. Though I adored, still adore, The Secret Garden and The Little Princess by Frances Hodges Burnett, but those are not considered grown-up books of course.

I remember reading Peyton Place when I was fairly young (too young I'm sure). I was appropriately shocked, though it's mild stuff compared to what young teens and pre-teens read these days.

State of the Union

Larry got home at a reasonable hour, so I went to listen to the speech with some Democrats from the university neighborhood. I liked the speech a lot and it was fun to watch with like-minded people. We had some lively conversation before and after.

My favorite part was when Obama scolded Congress. Also, I was thrilled that he mentioned "Don't Ask Don't Tell" - that dinosaur needs to go now.

I expected him to spend a bit more time bragging about what his administration has accomplished in the last year - I heard several pundits suggest that would be a good idea. But overall, I thought he did what he needed to do - struck an optimistic tone and explained where he wants the country to go.

Sisters

How sad is this - one of those "post this in your FB status today" items that crushes me . . . I wish!!!

"I love my sister more than words can say. If you have a sister who is your best friend and has shared life's precious blessings with you and has also been there for you through thick and thin, copy and paste this to your status. The world would not be the same without our sisters!!!!"

I really hate David Frum

Yet again, I'm having an aneurysm listening to this jackass. On CNN this morning, with a completely straight face mind you, he says Obama is taking the wrong approach to healthcare reform and that he should try to be the president for the *whole country*, not just his party. Holy shizzle. While liberals spent 8 years fainting over the crazy policies of GW Bush, I never saw DF on TV saying that Bush should be the president to the whole country. Yet again, I am struck by the awesome levels of hypocrisy that conservatives reach without even breaking a sweat. DF is so f-ing smart. I just cannot believe that he is willing to say things that he knows are this ridiculous. Shame on him!

Work

Today was such a great day. I spent all afternoon interviewing doctors for an upcoming project. I felt so at ease, even though I talked to some major big wigs, including a superstar orthopedic surgeon and the regional president of Excellus. On the way home, I realized how natural it felt to me. This is what I'm supposed to be doing - interacting with human beings - not sitting in an office entering data into Excel spreadsheets. A monkey could do that. But smoothly and successfully collecting information is a skill I developed over many years. And it's what I expected to be doing - it's what I was hired for. It's so terrific to feel good about what you do, to feel competent, to feel like what you're doing is meaningful. I just wish I spent a lot more of my time doing this stuff and less of the paperwork and crap that any idiot could do.

Just pass the bill

Awesome post by D. Aristophanes at my new favorite blog, Sadly No. I was saying this exact same thing earlier today (though not nearly so well or so humorously).

. . . not passing anything at all is a defeat of epic proportions. This cannot be stressed enough. Ask yourself if, in nine months time, when GOP Congressional gains have eliminated the possibility of rebooting HCR for years, you will be happy that at least the Senate bill didn’t pass. Ask yourself the same question, only now it’s 10 or 15 years in the future, and you are toiling away at another long-haul, uphill process towards reform, faced with the same entrenched opposition and the next generation of teabagging nitwits at every turn. Ask yourself how smart you will feel when you turn to your now-grown kid and tell him or her that back in 2009 you helped take HCR through the muck and slime of a year of hell to within inches of the finish line, and got bupkis as a result.

All the reasons liberals are very, very angry about this are absolutely valid. We’ve played the battered wives to the vainglorious douchebags in the Senate Club For Ass time and again throughout this whole nasty process, making concession after concession to the likes of Joe Lieberman, Ben Nelson and Mary Landrieu. It’s very, very tempting to finally say, enough is enough . . .

This is not a minor thing, to further enable these patrician asswipes. Nor is it a minor thing to essentially validate the ascendancy of the Senate — an archaic, obstructionist, anti-democratic relic of a bygone time — in the hierarchy of institutional power. Nor is it a minor thing at-fucking-all to have to accept that HCR has no public option, is full of blatant bribes, screws unions and shovels piles of cash into the insurance companies, among other things.

Sadly, we just have no other options. There is a ray of hope that the House may be able to wheedle out some assurances from the Senate that post-passage bill-fixing will be done in reconciliation. That’s increasingly less likely to happen, however. I would argue that even without such assurances, Congress could still fix some of the most objectionable parts of the Senate bill post-passage. And in ways that could actually present Dems with some minor but meaningful victories — for example, a straight vote on eliminating the Ben Nelson bribe seems like it would pass easily and even with the bipartisan support that the Villagers so frantically demand.

At any rate, my wish — a wish that I wish I didn’t have to wish — is that everybody please hold your noses one more time and urge your Reps to pass the Senate bill. Balloon Juice has great guidance for how to do this, check it out and check out the roll call they are also putting together.

And please stop the blame game. There’s plenty of time for that later. We’re racing across the savanna with a ravenous lion at our backs towards a lonely, rickety tree that just might save our lives. There’s no time to stop and bicker about who it was that suggested the goddamn African vacation in the first place.

Smart people rock

Wow, am I sick to death of people bitching about me being smart. Most of the people I work with are smarter than me. This does not make me want to crawl into a corner and suck my thumb. I admire smart people. I like being around smart people, it raises my game. My father went to Yale on a scholarship, I went to a state school and not a very good one. I should feel terribly inadequate. Instead, I have tried to develop my gifts and find meaningful ways to use them. I'm so sorry if I use words with more than 2 syllables and read the occasional non-fiction book. I'm sorry if I watch the news and know what's going on in the world rather than planning my time around the latest mindless reality TV show. If being around me makes you uncomfortable or irritates you, that is certainly not *my* issue. Grow up!!! It's not my obligation to act dumb so that you don't feel threatened. Doing that would be the dumbest thing of all!

My friend's court experience

Terrible experience of my dear friend Susan in Philadelphia - burgled twice in two months. THis is a small excerpt from a lengthy story:

City judge's reversal stunned prosecutor
By Craig R. McCoy, Nancy Phillips, and Dylan Purcell
Philadelphia Inquirer

Two days before Christmas, then-Common Pleas Court Judge Joyce W. Eubanks had to decide the fate of a home health-care worker charged with looting jewelry from an arthritic woman he had been sent to assist in her Society Hill condo.

Sitting without a jury, the judge found the man guilty of stealing about $14,000 in jewelry in an impulse robbery.

Less than a week later, Eubanks changed her mind. She vacated her verdict and pronounced Louis L. Robinson not guilty.

In brief remarks from the bench to a flabbergasted prosecutor, Eubanks said she had failed the first time around to give enough weight to the 15 character witnesses who had stood up on behalf of the accused man, though none of them testified. Among those witnesses: former Philadelphia Police Commissioner Sylvester M. Johnson.
. . .
Chernin, a diminutive and resolute woman who lives in an elegant condo with two cats, began a long battle with progressive arthritis at 37.

These days, retired five years, she gets about with the help of a cane, a walker, and a scooter. Her body is a patchwork of replaced parts: two new hips and a new right shoulder. It was the shoulder surgery that set the stage for the theft, Chernin believes.

On Aug. 31, 2008, she had just returned home to recuperate. At her hospital's suggestion, she contacted Home Health Corp. of America in Valley Forge, since bought by Amedisys, to hire a home health-care worker. To assess her needs, the agency sent Robinson.

He arrived at the condo about 9 a.m. that Sunday. Chernin asked him to move furniture in and out of her bedroom. He did so, out of Chernin's line of vision. She was essentially immobile, sitting on the sofa in the living room, she said. Having moved the furniture and completed his interview, Robinson, then 43, left after about an hour.

Another idea on healthcare reform

I just LOVE this idea from Ezra Klein (WaPo), which I read on Hullabaloo:

. . . make it real simple: Medicare buy-in between 50 and 65. Medicaid expands up to 200 percent of poverty with the federal government funding the whole of the expansion. Revenue comes from a surtax on the wealthy. And that's it. No cost controls. No delivery-system reforms. Nothing that makes the bill long or complex or unfamiliar. Medicare buy-in had more than 51 votes as recently as a month ago. The Medicaid change is simply a larger version of what's already passed both chambers. This bill would be shorter than a Danielle Steel novel. It could take effect before the 2012 election.

If health-care reform that preserves the private market is too complex and requires too many dirty deals with the existing industries, then cut both out. But get it done. Democrats have a couple of different options for passing health-care reform this year. But not passing health-care reform should not be seen as one of them.

Edwards admits to fathering Rielle Hunter's child

Ugh. Just depressing. We all pretty much knew this was the case, and his lying about it was undignified (if understandable). I guess it's better to finally be acknowledging it, though that is at least partly due to a new "tell all" book coming out. What an ass. And I really feel for his wife - how humiliating. The report I heard on CNN said that the Edwards are separated, no surprise. The report also said that, when Edwards came onto the national politicial scene, everyone said he was Clinton without the sexual baggage. That turned out to be less than completely accurate. Bleh.

Stop making excuses

A little clip from my favorite poster at Sadly, No (Brad from Boston) which he took from Jon Walker at Firedoglake:

Let me put this as simply as possible. Democrats control everything in Washington right now. They control the White House. They have a huge margins in the House and in the Senate. Democrats have larger margins in both chambers than any party has had for decades. They have zero excuses for failing to deliver. Americans will not find some nonsense about having only 59 Senate seats as an acceptable excuse for failing to accomplish anything. If Democrats think they can win in 2010 by running against Republican obstructionism, they will lose badly. Not only will Democrats lose badly if they adopt this strategy, but they will be laughed at.

Republicans never had 59 Senate seats, and that did not stop them from passing the legislation they wanted. Trying to explain to the American people how, despite controlling everything, Democrats cannot do anything, because a mean minority of 41 Republican senators won’t let them, is a message that will go over like a lead balloon. If you try to use that excuse, people will think elected Democrats are liars, wimps, idiots, or an ineffectual combination of all three.

Interpreting Massachusetts vote

Great stuff that I read on Hullabaloo:

"So Howard Dean goes on Hardball today and points out that today's DFA poll shows that of all the people who voted for both Obama and Brown, three out of five voted for Brown because they had wanted a public option and of the Obama voters who stayed home, 80% wanted a public option."

She posted a long transcript of the conversation, where Matthews completely refuses to understand what Dean is saying - that the people who didn't vote stayed home at least in part because they're disgusted with the lack of progress on healthcare reform. She finishes with this:

"Somehow, I don't think Matthews or any other villager was convinced by Dean's argument. They just don't think that way. Therefore, electing a Republican will never result in the political establishment and the media understanding that it was because the Democrat wasn't liberal enough."

"Strong but wrong"

More on Hullabaloo, from TPM:

The worst is that I can't help but feel like the main emotion people in the caucus are feeling is relief at this turn of events. Now they have a ready excuse for not getting anything done. While I always thought we had the better ideas but the weaker messaging, it feels like somewhere along the line [Congressional] Members internalized a belief that we actually have weaker ideas. They're afraid to actually implement them and face the judgement of the voters. That's the scariest dynamic and what makes me think this will all come crashing down around us in November.

I believe President Clinton provided some crucial insight when he said, "people would rather be with someone who is strong and wrong than weak and right." It's not that people are uninterested in who's right or wrong, it's that people will only follow leaders who seem to actually believe in what they are doing. Democrats have missed this essential fact.

Massachusetts election

I really thought Martha Coakley was going to pull it off - I thought the polls were wrong, like they were for John Street's mayoral race in Philly; I thought Dems would come out and vote in greater numbers than the polls were showing.

Yikes. It's humbling to be wrong and the trends are scary. Clearly the opposition is more motivated right now than liberal voters. Many of my friends are quite disgusted with Obama and see this as a reflection of his failure to lead, to communicate, and to keep his promises.

Scott Brown isn't just a conservative, he's a monster. He's everything I hate about this type of politician - a total hypocrit (e.g., yet another guy who hides behind "family values" but is a total slut) and depends on really dumbed down rhetoric. Totally in the mode of GW Bush - campaigning in his pickup truck, "a man of the people" - gag!

The far right learned their lesson in the NY 23rd district race and they honed their approach. The Dems need to be this strategic!!!

I'm especially bitter about Massachusetts voters voting against healthcare reform - they have that luxury because they already have it. Thanks for screwing the rest of us!

Interesting comments by Rachel Maddow last night - noting that virtually no pundits are remarking on the fact that a woman has never been elected to the Senate from Massachusetts. Things that make you go "hmmm."

Final note - I say, pass a healthcare bill, whatever we can get through. Do it now. Fuck it, just pass something - I don't care what's in it - fix it later.

Bordertown

I ended up watching this movie over several days, when I had time. It's very good, but it's so depressing. Based on true events in Juarez, Mexico - thousands of women who work in factories there have been raped and murdered over the past decade +. Everyone knows about it, it's been going on for years, but the police have done nothing to stop it. Occasionally, they force someone to confess to a murder, but it's rarely a person who was actually involved. It's like those human trafficking movies - could there be any clearer evidence of how competely expendable many people are? And I just feel so helpless watching this. These things are so heinous, but it's virtually impossible to make any meaningful contribution to their solution - the people who could intervene are uninterested in doing so. I applaud Jennifer Lopez. Antonio Banderes, and Martin Sheen for putting their star power behind this issue, and I think the filmmaker tried to make an interesting film, with good performers, dramatic camera work, and a built-in mystery (never really solved). But of course, hardly anyone saw the movie (it made $8 million foreign and domestic) and what good has it done, I wonder? So frickin' sad.

Golden Globe Winners

I just don't feel strongly about any movies this year. I haven't seen Precious, but other than that, what movies out there have real heft? I liked Julie and Julia, and Up in the Air, but they are cream puffs - entertaining, but not very meaningful. Invictus probably comes closest, but what chance does any film have against Avatar - it's a juggernaut.

Not sure who I can truly root for during the Oscar race, or even with regards to nominations - who put their entire heart and soul into a role this year? I haven't seen A Single Man, maybe that will be the performance I'll fall in love with. Or Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart. I also haven't seen 500 Days of Summer, but I'm not worried about JGL - his Oscar is coming, if not this year, then soon - it's inevitable.

Reviewing this list makes me realize how many movies I've missed this year - though to be fair, some I haven't had a chance to see yet. I have a lot of catching up to do on video!

* marks the ones I've seen so far

1. BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
a. AVATAR*
b. THE HURT LOCKER*
c. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
d. PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE
e. UP IN THE AIR*

2. ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE –DRAMA
a. SANDRA BULLOCK, THE BLIND SIDE*
b. EMILY BLUNT, THE YOUNG VICTORIA*
c. HELEN MIRREN, THE LAST STATION
d. CAREY MULLIGAN, AN EDUCATION
e. GABOUREY SIDIBE, PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE

3. ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
a. JEFF BRIDGES, CRAZY HEART
b. GEORGE CLOONEY, UP IN THE AIR*
c. COLIN FIRTH, A SINGLE MAN
d. MORGAN FREEMAN, INVICTUS*
e. TOBEY MAGUIRE, BROTHERS*

4. BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
a. THE HANGOVER
b. (500) DAYS OF SUMMER
c. IT’S COMPLICATED
d. JULIE & JULIA*
e. NINE

5 ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE –COMEDY OR MUSICAL
a. MERYL STREEP, JULIE & JULIA*
b. MARION COTILLARD, NINE
c. JULIA ROBERTS, DUPLICITY*
d. MERYL STREEP, IT’S COMPLICATED
e. SANDRA BULLOCK, THE PROPOSAL

6. ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE –COMEDY OR MUSICAL
a. ROBERT DOWNEY JR, SHERLOCK HOLMES*
b. DANIEL DAY-LEWIS, NINE
c. MATT DAMON, THE INFORMANT!
d. JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT, (500) DAYS OF SUMMER
e. MICHAEL STUHLBARG, A SERIOUS MAN

7. BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
a. UP*
b. CORALINE
c. FANTASTIC MR. FOX
d. THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG*
e. CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS*

8. BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
a. THE WHITE RIBBON (GERMANY)
b. BROKEN EMBRACES (SPAIN)
c. THE MAID (CHILE)
d. A PROPHET (UN PROPHETE) (FRANCE)
e. BAARIA (ITALY)

9. ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
a. MO’NIQUE, PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE
b. VERA FARMIGA, UP IN THE AIR*
c. ANNA KENDRICK, UP IN THE AIR*
d. PENÉLOPE CRUZ, NINE
e. JULIANNE MOORE, A SINGLE MAN

10. ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
a. CHRISTOPH WALTZ, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
b. WOODY HARRELSON, THE MESSENGER
c. CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER, THE LAST STATION
d. STANLEY TUCCI, THE LOVELY BONES
e. MATT DAMON, INVICTUS*

11. BEST DIRECTOR
a. JAMES CAMERON, AVATAR*
b. KATHRYN BIGELOW, THE HURT LOCKER*
c. CLINT EASTWOOD, INVICTUS*
d. JASON REITMAN, UP IN THE AIR*
e. QUENTIN TARANTINO, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

12. BEST SCREENPLAY
a. JASON REITMAN/SHELDON TURNER, UP IN THE AIR*
b. MARK BOAL, THE HURT LOCKER*
c. NANCY MEYERS, IT'S COMPLICATED
d. NEILL BLOMKAMP/TERRI TATCHELL, DISTRICT 9*
e. QUENTIN TARANTINO, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

15. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
a. MAD MEN (AMC)
b. DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
c. HOUSE (FOX)
d. BIG LOVE (HBO)
e. TRUE BLOOD (HBO)

16. ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
a. JULIANNA MARGULIES, THE GOOD WIFE
b. JANUARY JONES, MAD MEN
c. GLENN CLOSE, DAMAGES
d. ANNA PAQUIN, TRUE BLOOD
e. KYRA SEDGWICK, THE CLOSER

17. ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
a. MICHAEL C. HALL, DEXTER
b. SIMON BAKER, THE MENTALIST
c. JON HAMM, MAD MEN
d. HUGH LAURIE, HOUSE
e. BILL PAXTON, BIG LOVE

18. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
a. GLEE (FOX)
b. ENTOURAGE (HBO)
c. 30 ROCK (NBC)
d. MODERN FAMILY (ABC)
e. THE OFFICE (NBC)

19. ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY/MUSICAL
a. TONI COLLETTE, UNITED STATES OF TARA
b. COURTENEY COX, COUGAR TOWN
c. EDIE FALCO, NURSE JACKIE
d. TINA FEY, 30 ROCK
e. LEA MICHELE, GLEE

20. ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY/MUSICAL
a. ALEC BALDWIN, 30 ROCK
b. STEVE CARELL, THE OFFICE
c. DAVID DUCHOVNY, CALIFORNICATION
d. THOMAS JANE, HUNG
e. MATTHEW MORRISON, GLEE

21. BEST MINI-SERIES/MOTION PICTURE - TV
a. GREY GARDENS (HBO)
b. GEORGIA O'KEEFFE (LIFETIME TELEVISION)
c. INTO THE STORM (HBO)
d. LITTLE DORRIT (PBS)
e. TAKING CHANCE (HBO)

22. ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES/MOTION PICTURE - TV
a. DREW BARRYMORE, GREY GARDENS
b. JOAN ALLEN, GEORGIA O'KEEFFE
c. JESSICA LANGE, GREY GARDENS
d. ANNA PAQUIN, THE COURAGEOUS HEART OF IRENA SENDLER
e. SIGOURNEY WEAVER, PRAYERS FOR BOBBY

23 ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE - TV
a. KEVIN BACON, TAKING CHANCE
b. KENNETH BRANAGH, WALLANDER: ONE STEP BEHIND
c. CHIWETEL EJIOFOR, ENDGAME
d. BRENDAN GLEESON, INTO THE STORM
e. JEREMY IRONS, GEORGIA O'KEEFFE

24. ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES/MINI-SERIES/MOTION PICTURE – TV
a. CHLOË SEVIGNY, BIG LOVE
b. ROSE BYRNE, DAMAGES
c. JANE LYNCH, GLEE
d. JANET McTEER, INTO THE STORM
e. JANE ADAMS, HUNG

25. ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES/MINI-SERIES/MOTION PICTURE - TV
a. JOHN LITHGOW, DEXTER
b. NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
c. WILLIAM HURT, DAMAGES
d. MICHAEL EMERSON, LOST
e. JEREMY PIVEN, ENTOURAGE
Note that the winner in each category is "a."

Haiti

I donated money, but I can't watch anymore. Is there anything more depressing? CNN is still covering the earthquake aftermath almost constantly. The suffering and misery is just too much to bear. They had nothing to begin with and now they have nothing and rubble. Meanwhile, we sit in our comfortable homes and throw away piles of food. It just makes me feel helpless and furious.

Movin' on up

Today I got a call from a member of the Board of Trustees nominating committee to confirm that I want to be on the slate of trustees for the election in May. I'm quite excited about this - it feels like my official transition from the kids' table to the grown-ups' table.

Women less happy than ever

Boy, does this resonate. It was written a few months ago, but I just read it now.

According to the General Social Survey, which has tracked Americans’ mood since 1972, and five other major studies around the world, women are getting gloomier and men are getting happier.

Before the ’70s, there was a gender gap in America in which women felt greater well-being. Now there’s a gender gap in which men feel better about their lives.
. . .
The more important things that are crowded into their lives, the less attention women are able to give to each thing.

Add this to the fact that women are hormonally more complicated and biologically more vulnerable.

Women are much harder on themselves than men.

They tend to attach to other people more strongly, beat themselves up more when they lose attachments, take things more personally at work and pop far more antidepressants.

“Women have lives that become increasingly empty,” Buckingham said. “They’re doing more and feeling less.”

Day 6

Now the bruising reaches all the way around to the point of my elbow. There's a hard spot too, probably a clot. Gross!

NY senate race

Can't say that I'm too enthused about Harold Ford's possible NY sentate run. I'm hardly a fan of Gillebrand, gun-toting Democrat that she is, but he's no better, being that he's associated with the "moderate" Democratic Leadership Council. Plus he's a total carpetbagger. So was Hillary, of course, but she was a Democratic superstar and had a pretty solid progressive pedigree. I understand concerns about Gillebrand's electability, but what does HF bring to the situation that she doesn't offer? To top it off, HF would be defying the White House's preferences, which is not at all wise. I can't see him (a black politician) alienating the WH and the first black president, not just during this campaign, but for his entire political career.

Bruised arm

The photos really don't show how bad the bruising is. Day 2:



Day 3:


Day 4:

Volunteering - addendum

The universe abhors a void! As soon as I acknowledged (and lamented) my lack of appealing volunteer opportunities, two things showed up, one on Saturday night at a party and the other on Sunday morning at a meeting.

The party was at my friend Donna's house. She ran for county legislature last year, and is working on her future political plans. She invited me to join her in some local rabble rousing and I think that will be great.

The meeting was for my women's group. I had arranged for a presentation by a terrific women's interfaith group in Syracuse and they made their activities sound so wonderful, I just have to get more involved.

So, between these two monstrously different trajectories, I should be able to find something worthwhile and satisfying to spend my time on.

Who's really retiring???

I really enjoyed getting this perspective on the Rachel Maddow Show - getting beyond the spin and into the actual facts; this is from The Washington Monthly:

Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.) is retiring. So is Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Conn.). And before anyone could catch their breath, Colorado Gov. Bill Ritter (D) announced he's not seeking re-election, either. It led ABC News to report that "Democrats are dropping like flies." It is not shaping up to be a pretty week for the Democrats.

You will certainly hear a lot of talk from Republicans that Democrats are beginning to face the reality of just how tough the current political landscape looks for them and they are running for the hills.

This is, to be sure, exactly the meme Republicans want the media to embrace, and if the coverage this morning is any indication, political journalists seem anxious to comply. But let's add a little perspective here. Quick quiz: which party has more Senate retirements so far this campaign cycle, Democrats or Republicans? Follow-up question: which party has more House retirements so far this campaign cycle, Democrats or Republicans?

If Dems are "dropping like flies," the answer should be obvious. But it's not -- in both chambers, Republican retirements, at least for now, outnumber Democratic retirements.

In the House, 14 GOP incumbents have decided not to seek re-election, while 10 Democratic incumbents have made the same announcement. Does this mean Republicans are "dropping like flies"?

In the Senate, 6 Republican incumbents have decided not to seek re-election, while 2 Democratic incumbents have made the same announcement. Is this evidence of a mass Democratic exodus?

Blood donation goes awry

Very bad experience at the Red Cross donation center today. I normally donate at Upstate when they have their regular drives (and I've never had *any* trouble), but the timing of their drive was off, so Larry and I went to the donation center. There's an arrangement with the center, so that the hospital still gets "credit" for my donation.

Anyway, it all started because I didn't drink a bottle of water in the morning. I know I need to drink a bottle of water in the morning when I donate and I just didn't. So that's on me.

The first phlebotomist, Christina, didn't take me seriously when I said my veins are tough to get into. I've donated at least 3 gallons of blood, so I know what I'm talking about. Of course, they almost never take me seriously when I *tell* them, but they usually start to believe me once they really look at my veins. But she still didn't really get on board, so of course she couldn't get into my left arm, despite digging around for quite awhile. That hurt and it's pretty bruised. But the fun really started next.

Another phlebotomist, Robin, who works with surgery patients, said she could get into my right arm. Now they never, never do my right arm, for good reason, as was further confirmed. She was also having trouble getting into the vein, but then said she was in. It felt comfortable, so I thought it was fine.

Then she and another staff person said they were taking it out because she was in the artery instead of the vein. When she took out the needle, a couple more staff people came over and they were muttering to each other and asking for things like ice paks. Someone said they were trying to stop the bleeding. I had been looking the other direction, like I always do, so now I looked over, and there's a lot of blood, and I can feel in running down my arm and I started to cry. Not at the sight of the blood (though that's what they thought), but because they all seemed very concerned and it really scared me. It really scared me. The supervisor told me that artery walls are thinner than veins and they can open and bleed more, possibly causing nerve damage, and if my hand starts to tingle or feel numb, that's what's happening. That scared me too.

But it ended up being fine. No tingling or numbness, and so far there's more of a bruise on the left arm than the right. I never felt light headed or dizzy or anything. I don't think I really lost much blood - maybe not even as much as I would have donated. It's just a shame it was all over the chair and floor instead of in the bag, sent off to do some good.

They were super apologetic and they even gave me a free tshirt. I don't think I completely realized how thin the veneer of my bravery is. I fell apart the second things went wrong. Partly because it really does gross me out to give blood, and I just push past my feelings because I think it's so important. But also because I *am* very scared about my health, I *do* feel rather fragile. I never let on about that, but the previa when Alana was born and the celiac disease, and my family history, like Dad and Noah's diabetes, just makes me feel vulnerable in a very fundamental way. I have to ignore it or it would really paralyze me. As with a lot of stuff, I put on a brave front, but underneath, I'm trembling.

Volunteering

Just one more meeting of my ladies group after the one tonight, and I'm SO glad. This has been so much harder than I expected. Of course, I didn't want this leadership role, and said "no" when first asked, but I let myself be convinced that it would be a worthwhile undertaking. Two and a half years later, I'm not so sure.

There have been great moments and some very positive feedback, but almost from the very first day, there have been such major difficulties - the person in the front of the room becomes a target for everyone's dissatisfactions. After a rocky start, I thought it was going pretty well, but a personality conflict with one of the other members has made the last year almost unbearable (most ironically, I recruited her personally - have I ever regretted anything as much?) A few months ago, she was incredibly personally insulting to me, because she doesn't approve of how I do things (as if her approval was in any way relevant to the choices I make, any more than her choices could possibly be influenced by the desire for my approval. Such arrogance.)

Of course I've advocated for the things I believe in - I thought that was the whole point of belonging to a group. Everyone in this group has proposed activities. No one, least of all me, has objected to the things that have mattered to her. Despite this, she has rarely supported, and often actively opposed, anything that wasn't her idea, using the most demeaning possible language (her favorite is to label anything she doesn't like a "waste.") But she's somehow managed to convince herself that I'm the unreasonable one.

Why bother to take on the responsibility of leadership when it's so much more fun to stand on the sidelines and lob bombs and undermine the person out front?

She's decided she's my nemesis and must find fault with absolutely everything I say and do, no matter how well meaning. Here we are, trying to do a little good in a very minor volunteer group - how can all this venom be possible in this context? It's just beyond my comprehension that anyone would take the trouble to get involved and then expend their energy in this way. I've stepped on many toes in my day, but I've never deliberately tried to make someone else miserable. "Discouraging" doesn't begin to cover it. It's going to be such a relief to get out of this woman's orbit - if I can manage it, I hope to never even be in the same room with her again.

And it's not just her, it's the whole process - it's ridiculous. For the first 2 years, I supported every suggestion, I attended every event, and I picked up every ball that someone else dropped. I exhausted myself scrambling around to do right by this group - to do what I thought was required of me. All for what? Talk about a thankless job. I never believed the maxim "No good deed goes unpunished" until I got involved with this group.

The whole situation has been so unpleasant, it's tainted my desire to get involved with something else when my tenure with this group finally ends. I really can't bear to have my efforts derailed by this poisonous type of person. Though I haven't encountered this before, I'm worried now that such people are more common than I ever imagined. I want to do something rewarding, something that matters, something that makes me feel good about myself and my role in the world. I don't want to spend my time in pointless bitter battles over nothing, and I certainly don't want to be judged and dismissed by people I barely know and who don't know me at all.

And I just hate that I feel this way. I can't let someone's pettiness affect my motivation. I need to find a good context to participate in. I've met some wonderful people doing political work in the Syracuse area, but ever since the (incredible!!) 2008 election, there doesn't seem to be any focused effort going on right now.

I recently tried a local activist group, but they aren't doing much that interests me and I haven't really connected with the people in that group. So I'm still searching. There's plenty going on; once I'm free of this other mess, I can devote a bit more energy to finding a new place to land.

"Haley’s Comet type of president"

This guy, at Sadly No, is as good as Matt Taibbi and has the same weird sense of humor. Here is some commentary on Bush v. Obama:

George W. Bush was really a Haley’s Comet type of shitty president, the sort that can only come around once every 80 years lest the country completely sink into oblivion. (Previous Haley’s presidents are James Buchanan and Herbert Hoover. As bad as Nixon was ethically, he didn’t leave his successor with a depression or a civil war — or, in Bush’s case, the worst recession since the 1930s and TWO unfinished wars.)

I think Bush has diminished our expectations of the presidency far too much. The president of the United States isn’t supposed to bog the country down in an endless series of foreign conflicts. He isn’t supposed to allow the economy to completely collapse. That Bush managed to accomplish both of these things during his glorious eight-year run is a testament of the man’s unmatched ability to suck at everything.

So yes, I think that while we can thank Allah that Bush is no longer president, we should hold Obama to some higher standards, particularly on his handling of Wall Street. Because otherwise, there won’t be “great” presidents anymore. There will simply be presidents who manage to not get us all killed.

Brit Hume to Tiger: convert

Mika Brzezinski was quite perturbed by this on Morning Joe - she disapproves of anyone suggesting one should just pick the religion that suits your current situation. I'm more disturbed by a "political analyst" promoting Christian conversion - that's pretty weird.

Fox News' Brit Hume gave Tiger Woods some personal advice Sunday morning, telling the scandal-plagued (and Buddhist) golfer to 'turn to Christianity' to make a full recovery.

On "Fox News Sunday," Hume. the former leader of Fox News' political reporting and host of "Special Report" who now serves as an analyst for the network, said:

"The extent to which he can recover seems to me depends on his faith," Hume said. "He is said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger would, 'Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world."

"Someone should be fired"

I find it strange to hear constant calls for someone in the Obama administration to be fired over the Christmas Day terror attempt by 23-year-old Nigerian Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, as if this arose from the mistake or failure of a single individual. That's such an odd way to think about it, and so useless really. I heard some excellent analysis on NPR addressing that and other issues - what good would it do to fire, for example, Napolitano, and hire someone else to run the agency? She's barely been there a year, and what advantage would it be to put someone new in the post to start from scratch? So counter-productive.

And this statement: "Someone needs to be held accountable." seems to miss the point as well. The president is accountable, and he's been addressing the issue in a variety of ways. Let's figure out some useful measures that can be taken, instead of focusing on randomly punishing someone.

More movies

The Blind Side and Invictus, as I've mentioned.

Avatar - in 3D no less. Great film; really gorgeous alternative universe - watching the main character explore that was my favorite part. The basic message was terrific, of course, though hardly could be called subtle. I found it a little troubling to watch the natives triumph over far superior firepower - pretty unrealistic, but that's a quibble, really. Another quibble: not sure why Sigourney Weaver's character smoked so much - kind of odd in light of the overall themes of the movie.

Into the Wild - Pretty much what I expected - well made, but long and sometimes dull. Great supporting cast and a bravura performance by Emile Hirsch, but ultimately I felt the same way about the movie that I did about the book - what a waste of a fine and lively young man. I was especially put off by a line late in the movie (that I don't remember from the book), where Chris/Alex tells the old man who has tragically lost his wife and child, "It's not our relationships that matter in this life." As if he could speak authoritatively on that subject at the tender age of 22. Such wisdom! If he had lived into his golden years, what would he say then? (The movie implies that he already changed his mind, by the end of his time in Alaska, but that is a revision of his testament that is not apparent in the book.)

Watchmen - Larry fell asleep, of course, but I stayed until the bitter end. Visually arresting and great performances, but very long, and "gratuitous nudity and violence" is putting it mildly (I could have especially done without the hatchett to the skull). Plus the politics are pretty questionable - lots of monologues from Rorschach about the uselessness of compassion and the general heinousness of mankind. This year's Dark Knight - not really my cup of tea.

Crossing Over - a Crash-style movie, following multiple characters in intersecting story lines, all having to do with living in America without legal status. It was interesting, but not nearly as involving or as poignant as Crash. Definitely not a waste of time, but not a classic either. I also strongly object to the nudity because I thought it was gratuitous and distracting.

More thoughts for the New Year

Went to see The Blind Side tonight. Besides being a great feel-good movie, I was so struck by two things. One is the way Michael Oher is just not angry. I would love to be that way - not bothered by anything. The other thing is that Leigh Anne Tuohy is such a Take No Prisoners person - she just speaks her mind and puts it out there. I really admire that and I want to be that person, but I find it very difficult - so many people are not comfortable with a woman acting that way. I don't know what kind of reaction she gets in Memphis, but I've always found it hard. I feel like I stick to my principles and try to do the right thing, but it doesn't work out well all the time.

Sarah Palin's supporters

Read this quote in Newsweek and it really annoyed me:

Sarah Palin would make a good president because "she's a down-to-earth person who would fight against the government . . . Plus she's hot."

Aside from the obviously stupid comment at the end, this assertion makes no sense - the president is part of the government, is actually the head of a whole branch of the government. What are people like this thinking when they say ridiculous things like this?