His loss

 

I was surprised at his noncommittal tone, so I replied with a similar tone, and he just accepted it, no additional effort, no real interest. As per usual. My friend said I should have said "let's plan a road trip now!" or some such, but I just feel like fuck this guy - he liked my profile and then when I responded, he still wants to leave all the work to me? I'm just so tired of the apathy. 

Whoo boy

 Just got home from maybe the worst date ever. He showed up in a stained hoodie, jeans, and a ball cap. We were in the restaurant for 45 minutes. We had almost nothing to say to each other. He mostly talked about his cabin and deer hunting, and bit about his job driving a truck. He repeated himself repeatedly, either because he didn't know what else to say or he forgot he already said it (he's not the sharpest tool in the shed). He walked toward me as I was getting in my car after we left the restaurant - I think he was going to kiss me - after we had the most ridiculous meal in the history of meals together. Maybe I just need to get off this merry-go-round because this is past exhausting.

WAIT THERE'S MORE:

What does this mean?

It's been a busy week on Match.com. Like a few other guys, he comes at me with a very flattering approach. We exchanged maybe 3 messages and then I stopped hearing back from him. WTF???

 

Should I give him another chance?

Let me start by pointing out that, even after we talked on the phone for an hour, I still had to ask him out. Then he says he'll get back to me on Tuesday and I don't hear from him the rest of the week. Then he cancels our date THREE MINUTES before we are supposed to be meeting. He's going to have to come back VERY strong for me to think this is anything but a waste of my time.

UPDATE: I never heard from him again.

SECOND UPDATE: I did hear from him again, a few weeks later: he said he tried to get back with his ex (or she got back with him), but he's REALLY learned his lesson this time and he's ready to start over. I'll have dinner with the guy but, honestly, he is a mess and that is most definitely not what I'm looking for.

 

Passing strange

Another update that I wrote to an old friend:

I am not sorry that I'm no longer married to Larry, but I must admit, I'm sorry that I'm not married - I liked being part of a couple. Especially, I'm so sad that we didn't maintain at least some stability for our kids - I thought we would be babysitting our grandkids some day, or at least be the house they came to for holidays. I'm troubled that he just up and left, just dropped us all (though he occasionally texts the kids, but they are not interested in his minimalistic idea of a relationship). That's seems so unkind - I thought he was at least kind. We could have remained friends, we were not fighting or really mad at each other, more like disinterested as the years had worn on. But he was so rude in his leaving and in the divorce (he told the lawyer I shouldn't get half the house as I never helped pay the mortgage - everything is a transaction to him I have come to realize). It's still hard for me to believe that I was once so close to him and felt so comfortable with him, that we created human beings together. Honestly, it still feel decidely weird, and a bit unreal, that it is all gone now.

 

Location location location

People keep asking me about my intentions for staying in GF, especially after I bought a house. I wrote a reply to someone over email and decided to post it here, since it captures all my thoughts about it.

I don't really like Grand Forks and I don't love my job (I like it, but I don't love it). I had thought to move west to be closer to Leo and Lisa, but the cost of living is so high, and the water and fire problems are quite concerning. Now I am considering trying to return to Philadelphia, as that was my favorite place I ever lived and still somewhat affordable. I still have friends there as well. It is centrally located to my kids (if they stay in upstate NY) and my stepson, who lives in Baltimore. Plus, there is a good, major airport there, so I can visit out west (and other places) easily. Other options are another medium-sized city like Pittsburgh or Baltimore, or even something more midwest. like Indianapolis. I think the mid-sized eastern and mid-Atlantic cities will remain relatively affordable and maybe less impacted by climate change. I just don't like living in such a small, remote town as I am now - there is not enough to do culturally, the Jewish community is almost non-existent, and there's just not enough of the kinds of people l like, who are educated and open-minded. 

No thank you

 

Apologies

 Wow

Okaay

I totally give this guy credit for just putting it out there. I wonder if this works for him - I wonder if he gets responses from women based on his, er, gifts...

This guy eventually liked my profile, so then we had what was, honestly, one of the better conversations I've had on a dating app (and not just because he said I was right...)

 

Another high compliment

I saw one of the grad students in the course I'm taking at the community meeting about public safety. When the meeting was over, she started telling me how impressed she is by my directness in the class. I thought she was gonna say, "but" but she didn't. She told me her mentor has been scolding her about not asking for what she needs and being too passive, and she sees the value of this advice and she's really trying to be better.

This was excellent timing because I have been feeling so out of sync with my colleagues and discouraged by the reticence and indirectness of my interactions with people, as well as the lurking sense that my directness is very off-putting. And maybe it is for some people, but at least someone finds it rereshing and admirable. So there's that.

And there's this:

Fakers gonna fake

 Wow, within a few days I got these startlingly similar come-ons - all 3 from Cali (supposedly), all asking basically identical questions:

Ew

  I'm sure this reflects poorly on me and I'm sure I'm being a prude, but I've exchanged like 6 messages with this guy and he's already asking for a picture of a body part. He's not asking for something dirty,  but it still feels like, I don't know, just tacky. Is it too much to want a grown ass man instead of an overgrown teenager?