More dating BS

 Another trend I have noticed in dating profiles is guys who think they are going to find a woman who wants to do all their juvenile male bullshit. What woman does THIS describe (I mean besides the snuggles)?

Or this:

This is VERY typical of the answers to "Typical Sunday"

They aren't even TRYING. These guys don't want a girlfriend, they want a mistress - someone to provide sex while they behave like teenagers.

Dating site BS

I'm not on Match right now, but I kept Hinge, and I've been dipping my toe in this cesspool a little. It's mostly fake accounts, as far as I can tell (with really nice photos, not selfies, and entries in broken English). 

I've been seeing some profile trends among the ones that seem like real people - one is guys who just want sex, but don't have the balls to say so:

They never OFFER "affection," just claim they need it themselves:

"Take the edge off," wow, what a tempting offer:

At least this guy is honest about it:

And this guy - "beyond measure"? Please...

Taking a break

My subscription expired to Match.com this month and I'm not gonna renew, at least not for now. Recently, just like in January, a bunch of interested people faded after promising beginnings. 

I exchanged phone numbers with the abrasive Jewish guy mentioned in an earlier post, but he stopped answering me after 2 texts. No great loss. 

Another guy emerged in the meantime, exact same trajectory: showed what seemed like real interest, we chatted a bit on the app and made a plan to meet for a drink. We exchanged phone numbers, he texted me twice, then nothing for days. 

I had a Zoom conversation with the cautious guy, after the April blizzard interrupted our plans to have dinner. Then he also stopped answering me. When I screwed up my courage and asked him why, he said essentially "it's me, not you." He said he thought he was ready for a relationship, but now he's having doubts. Maybe this is true, or maybe he's just trying to let me down easy. I have no idea when to take people at face value and when to read between the lines - I feel like I always make the wrong call...

I'm not sure what to think about all this disappointment. Of course, I can't help feeling like I'm doing something to put these guys off. But, in most of these situations, we haven't interacted enough for me to even get a chance to not meet their expectations. 

I tend to think it's just built in to dating apps - there's always somebody new to capture a person's attention. It's just easier to move on to the next person than to make an effort with the person you started talking with. 

I'm starting to feel like their initial level of enthusiasm is directly proportional to how quickly they lose interest. 

My choice seems to come down to an aggravating level of apathy or incredibly temporary enthusiasm...

It's just too discouraging - what is the point of spending the money if I just feel like a failure all the time?

Jewish people, amirite?

  This tone is a major turn off, but, I have to admit, I'm intrigued...

Red flag

  As soon as he asked me where I was born and raised, I knew this was going nowhere good.

And it didn't - he immediately starts manplaining winter to me, even though I told him I moved from Syracuse, New York.

 When I said I was familiar with winter, I didn't hear from him again. Which is fine.

Caution

  I'm such a bitch, I know, but I find all these guys so annoying. He's being so cautious - what "comfort" level does he need to have dinner with somebody??? (Also, read my profile!)

What is with this?

 We made the date several days before and then, the day of, he canceled. IKR means "I know, right?" Like it's funny.  

The last time this happened, I gave the guy a break and then, when I asked if he wanted to reschedule, he blocked me. So I wasn't in the mood to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, even though he tried to reschedule with me. I just don't think someone who cancels at the last minute to do something else is gonna end up being somebody who treats you with respect.  

smh

 

Fem and sexy? This isn't heading anywhere good....yep, as expected:

What is with men these days?

I know I'm being a picky bitch and I know I'm lucky to have perfectly nice men interacting with me on these dating apps, but I just find their mode address so unappealing. How am I supposed to take any of these guys seriously?

Adorable? Ew.

I can't stand this "hey beautiful" shit, like he doesn't remember my name...

I'm sure he thinks he's being cute but wtf?

Babe? 🤦

 

Disappointed again

  Another bizarre dating app fiasco. This guy seemed promising, we were talking about books. He gave me his email address and suggested that I email him, which I did, even though I thought it was a bit odd and sort of scammy. 

Then he claims he responded to the email and became kind of insistent about it, saying the email brought him back to the app, which was definitely not my email, like what? 

He also says he did "warn" me that he doesn't go back and check email, which he absolutely never said. And why would you give somebody your email address and then tell them that you aren't gonna be going back to check your email, like what?

 (I think he's confusing messaging in the dating app with email because they're both apps on his phone... I'm not sure though)

Then, when I said, I never got an email, he brushes me off: good luck to you.

He could have suggested that we just talk on the app, but I guess I'm not worth it. 

I didn't necessarily think he was going to be my great love, but I thought there was some potential to at least have an interesting conversation with another person in North Dakota. I guess that's not happening.

I did reach out to him again because it just seemed worth trying one more time. He sent me a bunch of very long messages with no punctuation. He said I "manifested what he is looking for" but... He explained his "psychology" and a bunch of other stuff...it's not even worth copying and pasting here. Everyone thinks they are so special and unique and deep. And this guy keeps apologizing for his spelling and his rambling, but just can't make the effort to craft a message that communicates effectively. I've run out of steam on this. Damn, there are a lot of weird people out there.

smh

What does this even mean? Keep aiming high? Like he's out of my league? Puh-leez.

Second chance?

 Men are so inexplicable. The douche who GHOSTED me hard this time last year just messaged me on Match.com "Hey, how were your holidays." Like bygones are bygones, I guess. I can't decide if I should ignore him, take the high road and respond graciously, or respond with something deservedly bitchy....

I ended up going with something between gracious and bitchy

 

A tiny part of me hoped he might actually apologize or try to hit the restart button in some way, but this was the predictable result:

Ghost #2

  I had a flurry of very proactive interest from people on the dating app and they are dropping like flies now - I never heard back from this guy...

UPDATE: Two days later, he messaged me, saying he had been busy moving and taking care of his parents' dog. I was still thinking about how to reply when he blocked me or whatever people do to remove the message from your inbox...

Ghost #1

  So much flowery flattering contact from this guy and now I'm being ghosted, presumably because he's just trying to get laid - I guess me having plans after dinner is a deal breaker since "connection" is code for getting busy asap...

UPDATE: I heard from this guy a few days later, saying he hurt his hand at work. I sort of left things on "maybe" - I don't take this guy very seriously...

Not very tempting

So this guy liked me on the dating app: 1 blurry (probably very old) photo and this exciting profile: can't count to 3, can't spell, and loves to drink...

 

Basketcase

Had a coffee date with a nice, educated man yesterday. Going pretty well and then...

Turn off #1: He starts being real: he's devastated by the breakup of his marriage, he's depressed, and there are days when life doesn't seem worth living. 

But wait, there's more. 

Turn off #2: He tells me that he's had a few other dates, but realized he wants an older woman because he doesn't want any more kids (he has a 2 year old). This is a backhanded compliment if I've ever heard one and confirms to me (yet again) that men my age are not generally looking for women my age.

Turn off #3: Then he tells me he reached out to me specifically because I'm Jewish - because his ex was Jewish.

Turn off #4: He asks me how it's going on the dating app, which I always think is a bizarre question from someone you're currently on a date with (if I'm out with you, it must be going badly lol). But seriously, how are you supposed to answer that? When I said, "well, it's North Dakota," he proceeds to mansplain successful dating to me: I'm at the university, there must be people there...um, okay

We mades a vague plan to get together again but I don't see this going anywhere.

Brush off

Needless to say, I never heard from this guy. I didn't really expect to, when he says on Tuesday that he'll reach out on Friday to make a plan - it sounded like a brush off and, it turns out, it was.

UPDATE: I messaged him "Classy" on Saturday afternoon and suddenly he's back, saying he got kicked off the app because his credit card was declined (!) and would I like to get lunch on Sunday. But I said no thanks, he just doesn't seem invested and I can't be bothered, plus I had plans on Sunday. Though later I had some regret about it - I'm trying to be less picky and judgemental, and this seemed like a good time to be more open, especially since this guy is actually educated. But he blocked me, or whatever people do on the app so I couldn't see his profile anymore, which tells you something. It doesn't feel like a great loss, it's just one more in a major run of disappointments...

Change in tone

 

 I am so super bummed. I had a really great text conversation with this guy the night before, about books and board games and movies. He seemed really nice and now, all of a sudden, he changed. We're chatting tonight and he gets sort of belligerent about me sending him a picture. I would be happy to send him a picture if he would just ask me to send him a picture instead of demanding that I send him a picture (that first message was out of the blue, not a follow-up to a question). Such a red flag, both the snitty, entitled tone ("yeah so no" and "why have I never thought of that") and the abrupt change.

Basic red flags

I've been at this so long, I've developed a bunch of rules and red flags:

No photos in bed or naked from the waist up, just ew

No photos in public bathrooms, honestly, you don't have a mirror in your house?

No photos wearing sunglasses, especially mirrored sunglasses

If your only photo is in your car, probably not

Hold the camera at eye level or above, don't look down into the camera (nostrils are not sexy!)

No, I don't root for a sports team

No, I don't want to ride on your Harley

If you say something mean about your ex, or women in general, in your profile, forget it

If you talk about Jesus or God in your profile, hard pass

Obvious fake profiles

Obvious attempts to just hook up

Egregious spelling mistakes

More dating adventures

 A guy messaged me on the app about being a female veteran and "thank you for your service," but he really wasn't appealing, so I replied that he's a smoker and that is a hard pass for me. Then he replies that he didn't mean it like that, he was just observing that women aren't usually veterans. I was crafting a reply, something about I assumed he was reaching out to me with the intention of dating, seeing as this is a dating app. But he deleted our interaction before I could reply (or screenshot the conversation for this blog).