OMFG

A week. A week of chatting and flirting and then this douche turned on a dime (just like Bobby!):

The last text the day before:

And the day before that:

I also want to remember this:

For the record, that bullshit about getting his heart broken was just a smokescreen. This mf literally ghosted me like a fucking teenager: I never heard from him again. So rude. And disrespectful. I don't understand people. After a week of talking, I deserved better. 

Though to be fair, and I like to be, I was cooling on him by the time he disappeared. He talked a lot about going to bars, which is not something I'm much interested in. He also said his ex never wanted to have fun (who does THAT sound like?) As we talked more, he mentioned that he married young - he clearly wants to play the field. Which is fine. But then why did he make such a big play for me? And, more importantly, why couldn't he end things with a little kindness?

Snob?

The Match.com app shows you the same guys repeatedly if there's no connection. I didn't realize I messaged this guy a month ago; I got a notification that someone looked at my profile so I went to see who it was. I was kind of annoyed when I realized that he's checking me out but never replies to my messages. It's especially galling because he says in his profile that he's "too unselfish"...he sounds like kind of a jerk anyway. #sourgrapes

This guy looked at my profile *again* after I sent that last message. But still no response, of course. 

Things will work out

Oh my God, so true!! Already true.

And this:

Drowning

I don't feel like this anymore but, wow, I sure did a few months ago...

Erasure

I read this a couple of days ago and then found out that this weekend my ex took his new girlfriend to the company Christmas party that I attended for 15 years. I am having so many feelings about it. I wish I could take this into my heart. I wish I didn't feel erased. 

It's not like I even enjoyed that fucking party. Everybody would get completely plastered, including my ex. They told the same fucking stories every year. It wasn't even fun. But it was part of my life and I was part of it.

Conversation with my son

I posted about this on Dec 5, but this is the actual conversation. It's still bugging me (obviously). This was hard. It's hard to be the bigger person. Especially when my ex hasn't bothered to offer even a modicum of decency throughout this whole past year plus (actually 15 months now since he walked out the door without warning or explanation).

Smh

This is a typical first message. I don't know why this annoys me so much. I spent time crafting my bio and I doubt most guys even read it. It's not that I don't want men to think I'm pretty. It's more that they aren't interested in anything else and it's so wearing. 

Venus!

The sky was surprisingly clear this weekend and I was able to see this planet alignment very well. Venus looks enormous. It is so cool!

 

Zzzzz

 I finally had my repeatedly rescheduled dinner date with the Match.com guy this weekend. It went exactly as I expected. We talked about the weather and he mansplained North Dakota to me. Maybe I'm just a picky bitch, but I think it's possible to find someone who will listen when I talk. That's really all I'm looking for. I've made several very interesting female friends since I moved here.  It is just so easy to have a great conversation with them. It is not an exclusively female trait! There must be one man in all of North Dakota who can carry on a reasonably engaging conversation. (And who has all his teeth. Seriously.)

Don't call me "cute"

I know. I know! I'm never gonna find my soulmate if I insist on being a snarky bitch. But jeez, is this dude for real? Doubtful. 

Courage

 

Why do people treat Match.com like Tinder?

This isn't the 1st time someone's basically asked me to hook up. But it's Match.com. If I wanted to be on Tinder, I'd be on Tinder. I would never meet a man I didn't know at a hotel, or any private place, for sex or anything else, because I don't want to get raped or murdered by some psycho. Which you'd think men would know. 

I really wonder if this works for them. Are there women my age who are gonna respond to this message and just drive over to this douche's hotel room? Maybe I am stunningly naive. Maybe. 

Screaming sky

I loved this so much, it really speaks to me - especially as I am always looking up at clouds and sunsets and lightening.

 

I don't know how to feel

I found out through a friend that my ex took my son to NJ to a football game for Hanukkah (I'm sure he got the tickets for free from a liquor rep). I'm so upset. Of course I want my son to have a relationship with his father. I would be a monster if I didn't want that. But my ex has done so much harm to so many people. It really hurts me that my son is so willing, so eager, to forgive his dad. A few text messages and a very very very belated gift, that's all it takes. And all the harm that his dad has done to him and the other people my son says he loves, all is forgiven now. My son literally said that: I have forgiven him, I've "made my peace with everything that's happened." Holy shit. I've been there for him in so many ways, I've supported him in so many ways, emotionally, financially, this past year. But football tickets is equivelent I guess. This hurts. Badly.

Delightful

I saw this meme, I think on Facebook, and it's just stuck in my head. I wish I felt more like this...