Finally made the big announcement

 I don't know why I waited so long, I just didn't feel like telling the world my news. Instead, I sent the change of address cards with Alana's high school graduation announcements and several people asked me "wth?" because they had no idea...

Once I posted this on FB, I got over 100 comments saying congratulations.

Encouragement

 When I'm feeling blue and discouraged, which is way too often, I need to come here and read this and remember how many people have been cheering me on and wishing the best for me.

 So many people have told me how impressed they are with me, with how much I have accomplished, with my Can Do attitude, with my adventurous spirit. Several people have said, "You're a bad ass!"

I don't know why I can't FEEL their affection and eccouragement, but I can feel the sense of failure that all this has produced...

Demisexuality

While explaining to darling daughter how I don't really feel attracted to someone until I feel some kind of connection (see post on May 22) she said, there's a word for that:

Demisexual people only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person. They can be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual, and may have any gender identity.

The prefix “demi” means half — which can refer to being halfway between sexual and asexual. Demisexuality can be a type of graysexuality. A graysexual person may experience sexual attraction only rarely, or they may feel sexual attraction but aren’t that interested in sex.

Demisexual people do not feel primary attraction — the attraction you feel to someone when you first meet them. They only feel secondary attraction — the type of attraction that happens after knowing someone for a while.

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Demisexuality is a type of sexuality or sexual orientation. People who identify as demisexual only feel sexual attraction to another person if they form an emotional bond or connection with them first.

According to the Demisexuality Resource Center, a person who is demisexual will feel sexual attraction and desire to engage in sexual activities far more rarely than the general population. Most people can feel sexually attracted to random people whom they meet in public or at work or school. In some cases, this is based purely on physical attraction and comes from simply seeing the person.

In contrast, a demisexual will only feel sexual attraction toward a person once they have had the chance to develop an emotional bond with them. If they feel a sexual attraction toward a person, they may choose to engage in sexual activity with them, but the urge is often weaker. In other words, an emotional bond does not guarantee that the person will have any sexual desire, but it is necessary for them even to consider sexual activity.

Are we having fun yet?

In one of the many articles I read about online dating, I saw the advice to women to never mention anything do with sex because the men will swarm you if you do.  

Since I'm on my way out the door, so to speak, I changed my profile to read: "I'm a C cup, if you want to actually know anything else about me, message me." Just to see if anyone reads my profile. I only had a couple people comment on it, though others may have read it. 

I had one guy try to steer the message conversation to physical attraction. He blocked me after I explained that I feel more attracted to someone once we have a real connection. 

And this from a guy who had messaged me previously, before I took my profile down in April:

Broken family ties

Talked to Beth today. Bobbie has sold her house in NJ (over the weekend) and he doesn't even know because they have both called him and he said he was too busy to talk and he said he would call back and he never did! So she is in NJ helping Bobbie move and he doesn't even know. Crazy.

Beth thinks his behavior is clearly a result of addiction because it is so out of character for him, but I'm not sure I accept that anymore. What IS his actual character? 

Note to self: even Danny mentioned that he had noticed (the most recent time he saw him, which is last year at this point) how much he had changed.

Schadenfreude note: Beth also said that Bobbie called him in April to let him know Beth was visiting and he said he wanted to bring Stefanie down to meet her and Bobbie said, if he wanted to visit, she wanted him to come alone, which, come to think of it, is probably why he is giving them the cold shoulder...

Perfectly appalling car buying experience

My review on Cars.com and DealerRater.com

I've bought quite a few used cars in my life and this was the worst experience I've ever had. Jerome and Sidney (sales reps), Kris (sales mgr) and Rob Schuster (finance mgr) acted friendly, but the process was unnecessarily slow and they used a lot of questionable techniques to make the sale, including leaving us in the showroom alone for extended periods and assuring us that we can "work it out" while not providing information or answering our questions or concerns. Overall, we spent 5 hours there, mostly sitting around waiting. They kept saying they were busy, but there weren't more than a handful of customers in the showroom the entire 5 hours. They knew we had driven in from Syracuse and we had to drive home, but they still kept us sitting around for hours. I was very unimpressed with their behavior and I would never return there, even if they had the perfect car on their lot. I warn anyone to stay away - there are PLENTY of other places to buy a car.

Dealer response on Cars.com:

Danielle thank you for taking the time to leave 2 reviews. We do appreciate your business and would love the opportunity to chat regarding your experience. I do know that we took extra time to not only choose the bank you wanted but also to agree to your terms. I look forward to hearing from you. Russ Tabone, GM

Response on DealerRater.com:

Thank you for bringing this to our attention, and we'd like to learn more about your experience. If you'd be willing to provide more information about your visit, please send us a message with your contact information so that we can reach out. Our goal is to make sure everyone that visits the dealership has a top notch experience. We're sorry that we didn't meet that goal in this case and we'd love the opportunity to get more details to see if we can turn this situation around for you. I look forward to hearing from you. Russ Tabone, GM

My response to Russ:

You have my contact information as your staff had to call us to collect the down payment, which they forgot to do! I thought that perfectly represented the level of care that was provided during our experience at your dealership. Shame on you all for your shoddy work and disrespectful service. My daughter's very first car purchase. I should be thanking you for ensuring that she understands exactly what the phrase "buyer beware" means now. P.S. I saw your response on Cars.com and I can assure you that "choosing a bank" was not a factor in the amount of time that was taken at all - I called USAA to get an estimate on an interest rate (while sitting in the showroom with no one around) and I was never even asked about the information I received from them. Nor was any time needed to meet my "terms" - that is hilarious - it took five minutes for the service mgr to come out of his office and make a very minor concession on the price. Then we sat for another 45 minutes in the showroom, being ignored by everyone, as punishment for negotiating. We bought the car, you got the sale, we even bought the warranty. You're happy and my very low opinion of the character of car sales staff has been confirmed.