Light bulb moment

 Darling daughter was telling me about conversations she had recently with her boyfriend and her best friend and noted that, while they have disputes about "little things," they agree on the "big things." 

It really struck me in that moment why I had held out the hope for my marriage for so long, until the very, bitter end, and why I was still stunned when Larry just walked away: I considered the problems we were having, including him going out to bars and drinking so much, as "little things," and I thought that the "big things," like our marriage vows and our commitment to our kids and us as a family, were assumed and that we were still in agreement over them, that they were enduring and would see us through. 

I realize now that we didn't agree on the big things, or, the things I saw as little things, like Larry's need to be the center of attention, were actually big things that mattered more and were areas where we did not agree. It seems so clear now. It helps to explain why I'm still having so much trouble feeling closure.

Just so I don't forget, one of my few text messages addressing his behavior: