Thinking it through

 Someone I am friendly with at work said I was abrasive and I have been puzzling on that for several days. I chatted with my daughter about it and it helped me sort it out (I'm planning to talk to the work friend too).

I think of abrasive as someone who is oblivious to other people's feelings. Like not noticing they are having an impact or what impact they are having. But I am HYPER sensitive to other people's feelings, like, to a fault.

But chatting about what exactly this means, I think I landed on "expresses judgement vocally." I say it like that because there is TONS of judgement going on at my workplace. But I express my judgements verbally (and nonverbally too), partly because I don't care if it bothers people and because I think there is value in being authentic with people - I prefer people who are authentic with me, like this woman who told me this about myself. 

Also, because I think it is seriously anti-feminist to act sweet and nice all the time, I think that is literally toxic. I think women participate in their subjugation by denying their feelings, avoiding expressing opinions, and supressing their voice. We are not doing anyone any favors by deferring to other people, especially to men.