House buying stress

For the third time, the mortgage company has contacted me for additional paperwork after telling me that everything is now complete. It is stressing me out! 

Each time, they act like it's utterly life and death - the mortgage can't be approved without it.

Once was making Cal sign a form as my "renter" and pay the first month's "rent" (which I returned almost immediately to him). 

The newest one has to do with what they insist on calling the "alimony" (in NY it's called "spousal support"). The underwriter wants to count the alimony as income (but not the child support) because that money is needed to make the numbers work. But because that asshole hasn't been paying the full amount, the numbers in the report sent from Child Support Enforcement don't support the figures in the divorce decree (and on the mortgage app). And, it turns out, the underwriter or Fannie Mae or whoever makes these fucking arbitrary rules, won't count ANY of the alimony since it's not the full amount.

It also turns out, they're excluding the child support because I have to get it for 3 years after the mortgage is awarded and I won't because Alana will turn 21 in about 2 1/2 years. A completely ridiculous rule that excludes income I have RIGHT NOW, but won't have in the future. And, of course, I use that money to pay for the house in NY that they're making me show that I'm getting paid rent for. 

They also won't count my APA money because another rule is you have to hold a part-time job for TWO YEARS for it to count as income, regardless of the amount. What kind of complete bullshit is that? That really fucks over so many people who could buy a home, but won't qualify because of this arbritrary standard.

I really don't understand how I could have been preapproved for $140,000 and now I can't be approved for $110,000. How is my salary not enough money to pay for a small inexpensive house????????

My mortgage broker is trying to make the numbers work, I guess, but it was yet another uncomfortable phone call. And, more to the point, my life is still controlled in too many ways by Larry's behavior, which is just infuriating!!!!

ADDENDUM

I literally was not going to get the mortgage, because of all the income they were excluding and all the debt they were including (both the kids' cars count against me, even though they make the payments themselves) so I suggested paying off my car loan to get it out of the income-debt ratio. Apparently that gets the figure to JUST UNDER 45%, which is where is has to be. But I have to take Alana's college money to do it (it's over $8000). In theory, I can repay it by July 15, when Larry is supposed to pay the child support arrears. However, he has paid nothing yet. And my June APA check has yet to be deposited - it will also be needed to repay her account. I'm happy that I was able to make this work, but it's also completely deflating - I had plans for that money: to pay the fucking back taxes that Larry stuck us with, and to help Alana with school, and make some improvements on my house and pay for the gutter repair. I'm just so discouraged by this whole process. I suppose once I'm in the house, it will all be a faded memory, but, right now, I feel like shit about it.