Alchemy

Tonight, I was talking to my sister: her on again off again boyfriend is ghosting her and it's just so painful. I was telling her that we're both so damaged, operating from such an emotional deficit. The default is always always always "I'm unlovable" so it doesn't take much to get back to that thought. And these fucking narcissists are so intoxicating for us. But so toxic also.

In fact, we are magicians. Our emotional buckets are so low, have so little inside them, and yet we still manage to provide so much love and support to others - to our kids and our friends. We are alchemists. We take lead and make it into gold. We take a lump of coal and turn it into a diamond. 

Of course, you can't become a magician without needing to become a magician.

And there are days when I just really don't want to be a magician. I don't want to have all this hard won empathy for others. I want to be stupid and happy.

Contentment is not really possible for magicians.