Goodbye 2009

Just got off the phone with my sister. She visited Niagra Falls with her secret boyfriend, Greg, last week. A couple of hours from where I live, but apparently never considered contacting me. She spent the holiday at Ramcat too, something no one bothered to mention to me. I feel like that women in Gaslight, where the man tries to drive his wife crazy by telling her everything she is seeing and hearing is just in her head. I feel like banging my head against the wall, just to disrupt some of the craziness in there.

This on top of a weird and rather difficult holiday - I'm so fucking sad this year. I've been thinking constantly about Noah. About the huge hole in the universe that used to be occupied by him. About how completely wrong it is that he is gone. His death doesn't feel any more real now than it did 6 months ago. I'm glad 2009 is over. Not my favorite year ever.