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Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Kingsmen: Golden Circle really sucks

I only went to this movie because my kids were excited to see it. Wow, just too dumb for words.

So retro, but not in a good way. Every female character either sits behind a computer or is there for window dressing. (And one is actually murdered for having sex, like a 1970s horror film, or the third installment of Indiana Jones [that's obviously another commentary altogether].) My point, and I do have one, is: where is the ass kicking which we have come to expect from female good guys in today's film?

And such a waste of the monumental talents of Julianne Moore as the strangely passive drug king pin who frolics around a 1950s themed compound surrounded by the world's most ineffectual henchmen. She schemes, she cooks (!), and she watches events unfold on the screen of her laptop.

It very much has the feel of the Bond movies of the past, and I don't mean that as a compliment: the men race around (we're in London, we're in Kentucky, we're in Italy, we're in Cambodia), dodging bullets as if by magic, while the women wear sexy clothing and make goo-goo eyes at the big strong men. WTH? I have to rewatch Wonder Woman just to get the bad taste out of my mouth.

I appreciate a well placed F bomb as much as the next person, but this movie takes gratuitous swearing to unheard of levels. It's distracting, the way they shoehorn the F word into every scene. (Darling daughter tells me it's the hero's catch phrase . . . fer crying out loud, if that's not the laziest writing in movie history).

And the laws of physics do not apply to this universe, wherever it is. In the obligatory car chase that opens the film, a car smashes into a concrete barrier, but then pulls away without a scratch on the hood. A gondola spins and careens down a snowy slope, the trapped heroes walk away immediately after without any adverse reaction. Etc, etc, etc, etc.

I know it's escapism, but it's the worst possible kind. I really thought that we had entered a new era of action movies, with a more nuanced take on plots, character development, and relationships. This movie is a dinosaur. Bleh.

I gave the movie 2 stars (out of 10) - one for the weird but delightful presence of Elton John (HE gets to kick some bad guy ass!), and one for the weird anti anti-drug message and the mocking of a foolish, small-minded president.



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