The first day

I've been through a million different emotions today. I'm still stunned and I can tell that it hasn't really soaked into my brain yet. Each time I've told someone, I can't believe the words when I say them - "my brother died." Mostly I'm so angry at him for letting this happen, for not taking his illness seriously and for letting himself become so isolated that there was no one to watch over him. Talking to so many people today makes me realize how many lives we each touch, even a person as reclusive as Noah had become. His dying leaves a big hole in the universe; it's just not right. 34 years shouldn't be anyone's allotment.